I feel as if I have a few words in me today, so we’ll see where this goes.
The last couple months have felt like there has been so much going on in my life, yet most days I feel like I’m getting so little accomplished. My mind is swimming with ideas and goals to improve myself and make changes for the better, but I am finding organizing/implementing these goals and ideas to be darned near impossible. Okay, it isn’t — but I seem to be hellbent on making it so.
I had a really great visit with my parents the first part of September. They were here for my birthday, and it was actually kind of nice to have them all to myself. (Meaning, no competing with my siblings or niece for attention.) My mom did exceptionally well, and I’m relieved that she seems to be getting stronger finally, nearly a full year after the awful fall that caused her to need neck surgery last year. We even got out and shopped at length, and had a wonderful time doing so. We also took in a baseball game at Target Field, and the weather could not have been more perfect. The Twins could have won … but … they’re the Twins (sadface).
When they first arrived I was doing well at sticking to a healthy menu, but as my birthday drew near, we all began to indulge a little too much. There was filet mignon at the Lake Elmo Inn (plus dessert — you’ve gotta have dessert there), chile rellenos, nachos and fried ice cream at La Fonda in Eagan, takeout cheeseburgers and french fries from our local family restaurant, Gormans. Oh, and then there was the buffet, which lucky for me was AWFUL, so I was able to stop without any effort. Not to mention various ice cream outings and the caramel apple pie we bought at Target… whose bakery must be next door to, if not actually IN heaven (SO GOOD). And yes, it was a la mode. (Seriously – I can give up Diet Coke and I can’t quit ice cream? What is wrong with me?)
The indulgences above were bad enough, but I also let my lazy get the best of me, and I didn’t get to the gym at all. I rode my recumbent bike at home a couple of times, but skipped stepping into the gym for 12 days. And, I feel like doodie because of it.
Well, at least that’s how I punish myself in my mind, because somehow I feel more guilt about being a gym slacker out than I do about the HORRIBLE attack of the junk food. Skewed perspective, eh? If I think about things and try to rationalize why I stayed away from the gym, I can come up with other excuses, which may or may not be valid:
– I gave up caffeine cold turkey on August 9th. The headaches were relentless (if not brutal) for the next 3 weeks, and the fatigue still lingers.
– I also quit taking Naproxen, an anti-inflammatory prescribed for my bum knees. So now, I get to really FEEL my workouts, if you know what I mean.
– I’m somewhat of a loner, so having company for 10 days, while I enjoy every minute of it, leaves my battery “dead” once the house is quiet again. I feel ultra lonesome once everyone leaves, and exhausted by it.
– Business is getting better with Jenkat, so more is required of me at work. Yes, I work from home, but believe it or not, that can sometimes be a curse. Some days I plan to work 5 hours, and often it turns into 9. Just the way it is, and I’m adjusting.
– Easy peasy: Crap food = crap fuel for working out.
Sounds a lot like excuses to me (and, probably to you). But, I don’t know how to shake out of the funk that these “circumstances” are leaving me in. Maybe I need a Queen-sized kicking of my fat bottom. Maybe I need to cut myself some slack. I wish I knew.
There is other news to report. Mal and I are trying again to get pregnant, now that we know that we can. I’ve found a new OB/GYN who is pretty proactive, and I am happy with her so far. At this point we’ve done one cycle of Clomid, and we’ll see how things go. I talked to my doc last week, and unfortunately my ultrasound results didn’t convince her of me being a “strong candidate” for a healthy pregnancy. She hooked me up with the names of a few specialists, and suggested that we at least schedule a consult, as we have a good baseline ultrasound and bloodwork to start with. Couldn’t hurt, but I am praying that we’ll get lucky and not have to take that step. Prayers and shiny happy thoughts are appreciated. 🙂
Well, that’s what’s been up with me. I hope I can get back into a more consistent pattern of updating here. I feel like I’ve been waiting for someone or something to pop a stick of dynamite in the dam. My mind and emotions have been walled up lately, as has my creativity. Though, Wednesday Lens Day should be less of a challenge, as my magic man got me a new point and shoot camera for my birthday — so I have no excuse not to take a camera everywhere I go! Right? Right?
If any of my local buddies feel like doing a photo walk with me this fall, hit me up. I’d really like to go to Como Zoo, downtown Stillwater, or whatever else you or I can think of and get in a nice walk while getting all inspired and stuff by the changing seasons. Anyone up for it?