Begin Again

What a difference a few days can make. I am happy to report that my withered soul is making a miraculous comeback. After more than a month of inner heckfire, I almost feel like myself again. “Hello me. Meet the real me…”

The me that felt strong enough to get two one mile walks in late last week. The me that then felt human enough to go out and indulge in some retail therapy Sunday afternoon (bonus walking included). I had a JCPenney gift card burning a hole in my wallet since Christmas, and so I went and found myself three new feminine tops (much needed for spring weather, if it ever comes), a pair of comfy flip-flops, denim capri pants, a pair of earrings, and this… my new reminder of my commitment to myself:

The quote is inscribed around the band. Isn’t it purty?

Getting out of the house to go shopping made me feel so normal again. And now I have some new stuff to wear to Colorado, which helps my self esteem. Even if it’s only temporary, it’s a start.

Last night I pushed the social envelope further by heading out for a concert date Mal and I had planned for weeks, but was beginning to doubt I’d be up for. I’d bought the tickets right after I found out I was expecting. I was beginning to wonder if the “medical issues” that resulted from my miscarriage would subside in time for us to make it to the show. Thankfully, they did. So, we made our way down to the Guthrie Theater to see my teen crush/favorite solo artist Rick Springfield last night. Since I am not yet physically at 100%, the venue was perfect. Small theater (so not too much walking in the cold, which lately has caused some discomfort in my abdomen), a classy/adult atmosphere, no opening act, GREAT MELODIC POWER POP MUSIC, and the show ran less than 2 hours so we were home early enough to tuck ourselves in at our regular bedtime. A perfect evening.

And today, I drug my unconditioned booty back to the gym for a session with Trainer Herm. I was warmly received by Trainer Sharon as well (she gives great hugs!), and it felt like I was being welcomed home. These good people sure make returning after an extended absence easier to face. Today’s workout was again, a new one for me (that crazy Herm loves to surprise us!) – a combo of more rope training (pulling down a rope wrapped once around a beam over my head, rather than the previous “battle ropes” type workout we did), a full-body boxing with extra (and I mean EXTRA) resistance cardio blast, more rope pulling, and finally some resistance band arm exercises and new arm boxes (almost like boxing) with the hand weights. I assumed that we were working the upper body, but it’s actually my legs that are KILLING me. Herm will be thrilled that I’ve noticed the effects of his sneak attack!

I will keep telling myself how good it hurts, though. I’m sharpening my focus and recommitting to this new beginning. Gotta believe in order to begin again with confidence.

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4 thoughts on “Begin Again

  1. #priorfatpack Hi 🙂

    great post, Im glad you are finding your way out of the darkness. I have found myself there before and it is not fun or easy to pull out of sometimes. (recently did an over 5,000 word emotional dump trying to pull out of it) I dont want to say i understand, but Im here for you as a #priorfatpack friend
    Peace, Love and Happy Blogging
    M

  2. Pingback: Bubblewrapped « See Jenn Transcend

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