Hope

Hope springs eternal, or so they say… when the boys of summer come out to play. (By the way … can anyone explain to me just what the feck is going on with the Twins?)

Yeesh. OK. On to more important matters.

To you dear sweet peeps who left me a comment on Friday, thank you, from the bottom of my bruised and tender heart. You all said just the right things, and I’m touched and grateful for your thoughtful words. I am a lucky girl to live where I live. It’s comforting to feel like you are almost always in the company of decent, compassionate human beings – especially during the downer times. My friends (IRL and online) in the Twin Cities set the friendship bar very high, and I am BLESSED that you’re “here”.

Friday morning I had my appointment at the OB to follow up after my unexpected positive pregnancy test “post-miscarriage”. In a nutshell, we are still lacking any sort of closure. My doctor briefly interviewed me and got the lowdown on the last couple of weeks, and decided to take another look at my uterus to see if there were any changes since my last visit. Basically, things looked about the same. There is something in there – maybe tissue, maybe fluid, maybe a gestational sac … but … no heartbeat was detected. This is obviously not good news for us, as I am certain enough that I would be right around 8 1/2 weeks pregnant now. My doctor confirmed that a heartbeat is typically heard as early as 6 weeks.

Mal and I explained our concerns in detail, and basically told him that we were in no hurry to have any procedure performed until we were absolutely certain that the pregnancy wouldn’t develop, and he seemed to understand. My doctor barely speaks unless you pepper him with questions, and in many ways that is a blessing. I wouldn’t be able to deal with a healthcare provider that felt compelled to “force” the completion of my miscarriage/pregnancy. The realist in me does believe that I am in the midst of an incomplete miscarriage … but the optimist still holds hope that my next ultrasound (scheduled for April 15th) will reveal a tiny, beating heart. The very fact that I became pregnant at all is a miracle, so why stop believing now? Blast you, science and logic.

My hope is that if the pregnancy isn’t viable, that the miscarriage will complete within the next two weeks, without medical intervention. If you are the praying (or the good vibes sending) type, I humbly ask for your prayers and vibes on this. I also ask for prayers for patience for Mal and I as we live in possible limbo for the next two weeks. It isn’t going to be easy, but in our minds, this is our only option. And I thank our family and friends for all of your continued thoughts and support. It gives us strength.

Okay, change of topic. Today’s gorgeous weather got me thinking about my fitness goals again. While I have been making my scheduled gym appointments, and doing quite well (I even gave Trainer Herm goosebumps during one of my workouts last week!), I haven’t set any new goals for myself in ages. I’ve basically been on fitness autopilot, and it’s time to step it up. I see some of you doing the 5k thing, and it’s super motivating to me. Mal is more than willing to sign up for one with me, but I am, admittedly, a big, flabby CHICKEN. What I’m scared of, I don’t exactly know. Well, yeah, I guess I kind of DO know. I imagine me put-putting along, knees locking, heart be-bopping through my sternum, and me totally unaware that the race ended minutes, hours, (days?) ago. Imagine the embarrassment of every other participant packing up and heading on to other destinations before I ever cross the finish line. By then, there would be no marked finish line, because the event organizers would have left. Oh yeah, I’ve thought about this, and my visions ain’t so purty.

So, my question to you racing queens and kings is: What is your tried and true method for 5k training? Are you using an online program, an app, or something else? C’mon, do your worst. Convince me to sign up for a 5k, dang it!

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Hope

  1. Count my vibes/thoughts sent to you and Mal! There is not much I can say other than I wish the best for you guys. You are so wonderful and deserve the world!!

    I can speak to the 5k. Sign up! So what if you are the last to finish. I still think I will be last. Does it matter? NO! Will I finish? Yes!! It is not about other people it is about you.
    I am using the couch to 5k app I got off the itunes store. There are also podcasts that do the same thing. I just finished reading a book about the run/walk method figuring it could for me be the walk/walk faster method. You basically do intervals and it works well for a lot of people.

    The upside of the Charities Challenge 5k with the #priorfatpack is you will have people cheering you on the whole way and you wont feel alone. In the end its your call but walking is an option and it isn’t a race. I got all day that day to spend there!

    Remember if you think you can’t do it then you must do it!

  2. A lot of bloggers have had success with C25k. I just walked and ran, and tried to run as much as I could. Eventually, I ran a mile and have just built up from that!! My only piece of advise is to not go too fast!! Running a mile at 3.8 or 4.0 is still running a mile. 🙂 you can do it.

  3. treat the c25k as walk and walk really fast at first. It’s what I started doing a long time ago. Lord knows my knees and ankles wouldn’t have held up. I hope you guys do sign up and Kris listed the sign up info in the facebook group. If you ever wanted to do a 5k this is the one. More support and people than most ever have.

    I’m thinking about you two every day.

  4. I went and got my butt kicked by Herm and his big ass rope today. I was thinkin about you and Mal. Hope you’re coming around kiddo.

  5. Just got through reading these comments again, and the new thoughts from Kris and JP. You’ve all touched my heart, and am so thankful to have such unconditional support from all of you. This week’s been a tough one, and I hope to share here tonight or tomorrow.

    Forgive my mushiness, but I love you guys. Thank you! :*)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s